All Things Lo 🌻

I used to work with this older CNA 10 years ago… I distinctly remember her looking into my eyes and telling me how beautiful they were. She said the whites of my eyes told no story and revealed I hadn’t been thru much ..” you ain’t been thru shit have you ?” she jokingly asked.

I recall us both laughing after she said that. Her laughter was filled more with confidence and freedom, mine with fear and uncertainty…

I looked into her off-white eyes and thought, what in the hell could I possibly go through that could change the physical appearance of my eyes? *inserts chuckles*

I often think about her comment and out of pure vanity I do occasionally assess the whites of my own eyes making sure they’re still white .. making sure the lack of sleep and worry hasn’t fully caught up with me, spilling over and creating tiny red blood vessels around my pupils …

truth is ,i’ve already been met with this.

The more I wished for that stark white-eyed background, the more I was given

and continued to be given. truth is , I’ve been blessed, but it isn’t discussed enough the fear and anxiety that coexist with blessings and responsibility.

and yet everything is fleeting and this world is very temporary.

These eyes that are usually tired and discolored, have lived …. They’ve cried . .. they worry. these eyes are caretakers of my greatest creation. these eyes are restless, they’re at the forefront of every battle my family faces. And if we’re referring to a state of being or the act of losing. They’ve done both. These eyes have lost and have been lost. These eyes have been abandoned. these eyes have survived the flames of a burning world.. and has served as a lantern , guiding me out of a system designed to antagonize and oppress me!

These eyes saw options.…

and solutions when there weren’t any.

and more importantly have been windows to my soul , holding secrets between God and I .

So I wouldnt mind running into that CNA again…I would love to look into her eyes with a deeper understanding , knowing that she carried the world on her back , and in her eyes . I would hug her tight and tell her I know ! I know all about it now .

I would tell her that these eyes she saw 10 years ago unscathed and free from injury are different now..

and they tell a story now. A beautiful one. because they’ve participated in their own love story. these eyes tell the story she tried to prepare me for. The story that was always unraveling whether I was aware or not.

Yet there’s a fine line between oblivion and ignorance and to get to the other side of that, you have to process ..

These eyes have processed.. pain, guilt, and abandonment.

and to get to the other side of that, you have to release..

These eyes have released pain, guilt and abandonment , .. and there’s another side of that …

Freedom.

-Lo 🌻